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Welcome to Channel Mum Support Groups. A place to be with other mums where you can feel safe to have a little more open ‘mum’ conversation.
Hi Siobhan, my name is Jen and I am one of the trained parent helpers here at Channel Mum.
Separation anxiety is very common at this age and it doesn't mean it will always be this way, it usually eases off by about 2 years. There is also lots you can do to try and help your son overcome his anxiety. Firstly it can help to practice at home, as ridiculous as that sounds leave him in another room whilst you pop to do something, let him explore on his own (provided it is safe) and realise he can leave and come back.
Do you have a family member who would be willing to look after him, and help him get used to being left with them? That way you can slowly build up the time that you leave him, so the first time pop out for 20 minutes and then come back, the second time 40 minutes etc and build it up. That way you are building his trust that whilst you may go, you will also come back.
If you do this make sure you keep the goodbyes light, happy and quick. The more a deal you make out if the more your son is going to think there is a problem and something to be worried and upset about, so big smiles and happy goodbyes, even if that is not how you are feeling at all. Also do not leave and then come back immediately, you need to go for definite period of time else it will cause even more upset.
Often whilst they are upset at the moment of you leaving they will calm down quickly, particularly if you are not there and it is someone they know already.
Ultimately separation anxiety shows a health attachment and it will pass. Your son is learning to trust you (that you will leave and come back) and developing his own sense of independence, which can understandably be a bit scary at times!
I hope you can get something sorted so you don't have to miss out x
Hi all, firstly.. I’m the father.
Secondly.. I have only just found out a few days ago my ex girlfriend was 4 months pregnant and that she has had a miscarriage (her second in a few years) I love her more than anything and I can’t put any words together that will come close to how I’m feeling right now. I am devestated.. it’s a lot to take in at once and I’m not quite sure how I feel. We had spoken and planned for a baby one day. I honestly fell in love with the idea of having a little one together.
I dont know what happens from now, she has opted to pass the baby naturally and we would love more than anything for us to say our own goodbyes.. not hand over our baby to the hospital to do what they will. I was wondering if anyone could help with advice on what our options are?
I am a second time Mum to my 5 week old little girl. Since she’s been born she will not let me put her down anywhere. I understand that she is still very young and needs the closeness and that’s fine. I don’t mind wearing her in the sling during the day. At night however she will only sleep lying on my chest or in my arms and it is starting to take its toll.
I am trying to find a solution to help her sleep in her crib next to me. I have tried white noise, laying her on a blanket I have slept with and a couple of different brands of swaddle bags. She will fall fast asleep on me but as soon as I lay her down her eyes open and she starts growling and grumbling and eventually this turns into cries.
Is there anything else I can try or do I just need to ride it out and wait until she’s a little older?
Im a singke mum too and I have a 7yr old son who is diagnosed with Autism and other conditions.
The school are not being helpful is the SENCO involved they should be of he is that behind in his learning and they should be able to tell you exactly what steps they are taking to help your son usually some small group work extra support etc however they are correct in that autism is not a learning disability a lot of children with Autism also have a learning disability but some do not. Autism is as I'm sure you know a neuro developmental social communication disorder. And if he's managing his behaviours in school at the moment they will bury their heads because awful as it sounds budgets are tight! The fact your seeing gp is good but be warned the road to diagnosis and indeed assessment is long.
Where do you live rough area? I'm chair of a parent carer forum in South Tyneside but we have forums in most places and they can really help to tell you where to go with regards to services etc.
The school vs home thing is real and please don't take it personally it is because at home he feels safe and secure so can let loose and be himself where as at school he's under pressure to conform it's usually girls that are more like that but boys can be too it's called the pressure cooker or coke bottle effect
When you say he starts at home what sort of things is he doing that cause issues? Rigid thinking is something that if he is autistic is not changeable and the biggest thing I've learned as an autism mum is
*PICK YOUR BATTLES*
A lot of the behaviours that are seen are caused by underlying issues: with sensory problems or anxiety being the 2 major ones but also misunderstanding and inability to process is up there too.
Routine is your friend as mundane as it is and getting a visual timetable could really help so he can see what is coming next.
Food is usually another battle a lot of parents face they like something one day and not the next they usually aren't being awkward is it the same brand cooked the same way with the same things so for example chicken nuggets are they breadcrumb or batter keep them the same same brand and cook them for the same length of time no sauce touching them etc it might then be accepted they still might not like them this is sensory and something is affecting them in their environment. Keep things bland and sauce free for your son and separate if this is an issue
If it's going out and transitioning then plenty of warnings I would recommend a timer so he can see the time is passing remind him 10minutes 5minutes 3 minutes 2minutes 1minute then say finished
Keep language simple and non ambiguous so when I used to get really mad at my son I'd say I could kill you sometimes he then had a complete meltdown because he didn't want to die they don't get sarcasm either so.be mindful of that and their memories are amazing so don't promise a park trip 2 days later unless your prepared to go in the rain (been there)
How is he with his peers at school? Does he have any friends? Play group games? Share? Does he know when you are sad happy mad? How is he with strangers? If there's anythimg specific I will do my best to share tips I've learned myself from courses and Leaning from.other parents that's the best way to get through this but please know this is not you and not your fault your doing the best you can in difficult situations hats off to you i struggle and I only have 1 child!
All the time, most of the time my son asks me questions I have no clue what the answer is and so he says "look it up on your phone mummy" haha!
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